13 things you wish you knew before moving to Esperance

Here’s a list of 13 things you wish you knew before moving to Esperance… and what you were thinking at the time you found out. 

1. That there’s no Kmart 

“What the hell… No Kmart? Where am I supposed to wander around for hours, looking at trinkets (that I’ll probably admire but never buy) to decorate my home with?” 

2. That there’s no KFC

“Ummm… Kentucky fried chicken is the bread and butter of society – why doesn’t this town have it? What am I supposed to do?”

*Starts melting.

*Drives four hours to Kalgoorlie to feed chicken addiction.

3. That there’s no Sunday trading

On that shopping note – no Sunday trading is a thing in Esperance! 

While The Big Apple is the city that never sleeps, Esperance is the city that never shops… well on Sundays that is.

“Yeah you can go to IGA, but what if I need to buy a video game or… or… a vacuum cleaner.”

4. Lucky Bay isn’t just around the corner

*Decides to move to Esperance

*Googles Esperance - gawks at Lucky Bay photos

“I’M SO EXCITED!” 

*Moves to Esperance, realises it’s 45 kilometres away

*Dies

5. Tip – hours/cost 

I wish I knew that the tip is soooo far out of town… that it’s closed often… and really expensive.

6. No public transport

“What do you mean I have to walk?”

7.Travel cost/distance

Getting to Perth costs you an arm and a leg… Flying = $$$, Driving = ZZZ. 

8. Weather

*Make plans for the afternoon or weekend? ​

*Strong winds/rain foils those plans. 

“Not again!”

9. Airport distance

*Lands at airport

“Wait this is it?”

10. The water looks inviting… but it’s freezing!

*decides to go for a swim.

*freezes in the Antarctic waters 

11. Pink Lake isn’t pink

*Turns the map upside down, side to side…

“Surely this isn’t it?”

12. Everyone knows everyone

You: “So I was talking to Ben the other day…”

Mate: “Do you mean Ben who wears the hat or surfer Ben?”

You: “The surfer.” 

Mate: “Oh yeah… that’s my sister’s, boyfriend’s, younger brother.”

13. Esperance Community Page/Name and Shame Page

*View GIF below… 

Did we get it right? What did you wish you knew before moving to Esperance? Email editor.espexpress@fairfaxmedia.com.au.